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Like Hell I’m Gonna Get Captured! - Chapter 5


Yeah, it's morning. I've come to school. I'm in front of the shoe lockers right now. BEING CONFESSED TO!

Ew, please let me off the hook. Why me. There's a lot of other cute girls besides me you know.

Not only that, this guy won't take no for an answer. If you stand in front of the shoe lockers, I can't get my indoor shoes.

’’... ... Can you step aside for me?’’

Since earlier, I've been asking him this.

’’Nononono, please wait! Please, I'm pleading here. How about it? We can start off as friends. You're fine with that right? You'll go out with me right?’’

... ... There's a saying for this.

'Ears that hear nothing. Prayers to a horse's ear. It's wrong to preach to Buddha.' (Note: Japanese sayings that mean 'there's no point in...'

Seriously, what am I going to do with him? It's not like the female me can forcibly push him aside.

Like this, should I just make friends with him? Yeah. No. I hate these kinds of playboys. No. I hate males in general. The cuteness of girls is sublime. They smell nice, they're cute, they're soft, they're cute, they're so cute!

... ... Ah, I can't avert my eyes from reality. Calm down... But, I'm at my limit...

’’Move it.’’


I hear a sudden, irritated voice from behind me.

’’You in front of me. You're in the way.’’

When I turn around, it's that brown haired guy with an ear-piercing from the same class.

He looks super sleepy. He sounds super irritated. He looks super scary.

’’Hah? In the way? Yeah right. Get off me.’’

The obstacle in my way threatens.

Wait, I'm in the crossfire. Please stop. I'm scared.


’’Ye-Yeah, can't you see I'm in the middle of something!?’’


’’Pe-people are talking, so’’

’’.......Move it.’’

The obstacle guy quickly runs away.

This guy is badass... The scary kind... of badass... Still, how convenient.

’’Th-Thanks. You saved me.’’

It's vexing to do things like thanking a guy. But just this once. It's good manners after all.

’’Nn? Ah, it's nothing. It must be tough being pointlessly beautiful.’’

Says the Brown-hair-piercing while waving his hand and walking away. Wow, what a wishy washy person.

Calling all my hard work pointless! Why would the Brown-hair-piercing guy who stands out from all the Ikemens say such a wishy washy thing.

I enter the classroom, and I greet Kiho and Kaede-chan as always.

The two return a smile. Ahhh, this scene. How healing.

’’Soraaaa. Did you diet this morning?’’

When I sit in my seat, Kiho asks me all of a sudden.

Why would I have to diet? As someone who goes for a jog every morning, I'd collapse if I dieted.

’’No, I didn't diet. Why?’’

’’UAAhhh-! How composed! To eat breakfast on physical examination day, how composed! This person!’’

’’I hate that thin waist of yours,’’ says Kiho while reaching out her hands.

Physical exam day huh...Is that today? I totally forgot lol. Well, even if I remembered, I probably still wouldn't go on a diet.


So I say, but it comes time to enter the locker room. (relevant)

When I enter, I feel my heart pointlessly start beating harder, but then it calms down. I don't really care about what's going on.

Rather, since there are a lot of girls wearing cute underwear, I even hear where they bought them. I've grown up.

It seems dressing up is important when it comes to love.

Gathered with the two others, I change into my usual gym clothes.

When I look in the direction of the chubby Kiho, I perfectly see her taking her white shirt off.

Huh? My eyes are seeing something weird. I must be sweating a little bit. No, I'm not feeling pity. Don't pity her.


Noticing my line of sight, Kiho glares at me.

Even so, that expression sure is cute, so I don't care.

’’No. Nothing's wrong?’’

Yeah, there's nothing wrong. I'm not thinking that you're as flat as a cliff.

’’Fuuu~~nda. Are you insinuating something about my height or breasts? I'm jealous of you!’’

About that, there's nothing to be jealous about. Ah, don't rub me! I'm ticklish!

’’Still, Sora-san is very lovely. I am truly envious.’’

Even Kaede-chan is saying that. She comes to feel my waist.

Kaede-chan has a little of that. But still, your figure is nice, and you're soft, so don't cling to me okay?

’’How can I get my waist to be this beautifully thin.’’

Nono, my waist isn't nearly as tight as you've described. You can stop now.

’’... ... I exercise daily.’’

’’Do you also exercise these boobs!?’’

’’No, they grew by themselves.’’

’’....................... Why..........aren't mine........’’

Ah. Kiho is seriously depressed.

Her eyes are getting teary. Kiho with tears in her eyes sure is cuteeee. I want to tease her more, but I'm worried she'll actually cry.

Afterwards, I go to rub Kaede-chan as payback. C cup. I think? Just a guess.

Kiho? Hey, don't fight me. C'mon, don't grab me. Ah, I said I'm sorry! Don't glare at me with tears in your eyes!


We finished changing our clothes, and we're now at the schoolyard.

By the way, before coming here, our height and weight was measured, and then our grip strength was measured in the gymnasium.

My height is 163 centimeters. No change since the second year of middle school, so it looks like I've stopped growing.

Oh, my weight? My three sizes? I'm not telling you~ Hentai.

The reason we came out to the schoolyard is because we have to get our 50 meter dash times measured, apparently.

Right now, the boys are getting timed. And wait, these guys' specs are way too strange.

Why are they all within 5.xx seconds?

One person is like, ’’My swift legs have been forged through the Go Home Club! Behold!’’ While shouting that, he gets a 5.80 second time. Isn't that strange? Thinking about it from a common sense standpoint.

The fastest out of all of them is Mr. King of the National Middle School League at 5.62 seconds. Yeah, sorry. I don't remember his name.

Next is the girls' turn.

As expected, the girls' times are different from the guys'. I want to believe our times are normal. Please, if we're high spec, let it just be our faces. No actually, please keep it in proportion.

After some amount of people have been timed, it's Kaede-chan's turn. Her time is normal. 8 and a half seconds.

What is this feeling. After seeing the guys' unbelievably high specs, I'm being healed by her.

And then, as the one behind her in enrollment number, I'm next.

As usual, I tie only the hair flowing behind me with a scrunchie, and my preparations for battle are complete.

Hey, Kiho. I know you're saying that I look good, but can you stop pulling on my ponytail?

I can feel my neck snapping so. I'm feeling some subtle pain now so. Let's stop, 'kay?

Taking a crouching stance, I start together with the signal.

'Take a look at these legs which have been forged through the Go Home Club!' which I couldn't say with my mouth gaping in the wind. Sorry.

The result is a flat 7.00 seconds.

Within the girls', isn't my time quite fast? Running with all my power, I think I've become a little interested in it. I'm shaking a little. I'm sure that if I do this more I can get an even faster time.

Satisfied with my time, I return to the waiting area when Kiho suddenly assumes the start posture.

The whistle cries out, ’’Start.’’ And then, with a *Babuuun* sound, Kiho takes off. It's a speed where I think I'm seeing clones.

’’5.92 seconds!’’

Whaaaa......I can't even.

Isn't that too fast? It has to be. Maybe something happened, making her time different.

It's a lie. This cliff girl can't be the same girl I called flat as a cliff.

And wait, why is Kiho turning this way and running with all her might! Don't tell me she knows what I'm thinking!? Isn't she too sensitive regarding her breasts!?

I immediately regret my decision.

Afterwards, while apologizing and pacifying Kiho, who was displeased since the beginning, I change clothes.

As an apology, I'll make some sweets and bring them to you sometime, okay?

I recognize that I was thinking disrespectful things about you. Why I did so I don't know. Please don't misunderstand.

Come on, how about some snacks? I don't understand what you mean by your ESP is limited to enemy breasts.


Ah, how rare. I'm not confessed to on the way home this time.

It's unusual, I say to myself, but I'm a little sad. Even though I think it's good that there's no confession event.

(Note: Throughout this chapter, Kiho has been using the feminine '-Wa' ending sporadically. Also, her version of ’’My swift legs have been forged through the Go Home Club! Behold!’’ is only slightly different in the Japanese and is also slightly more feminine. It was hard to convey that in English, and I ended up changing it quite a bit. Literally, she says, ’’These feet have been forged through the Go Home Club. It would be good it you look at them.’’ or something like that.)


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